In short, I'm a 24 year old panic survivor. I've been suffering from Panic Disorder and Generalised Anxiety Disorder for over ten years. My condition waxes and wanes, but it's debilitating nonetheless. Over the years, I've met numerous people who suffer exactly the same condition as myself, and we're all agreed on one thing. It helps to know you're not alone.
And that's why I'm here.
Blogging is also a wonderful form of therapy, and allows me to chart my own moods, and progress through my condition.
On learning of my condition, people often ask me what a panic attack is. Well, a panic attack is exactly what you'd think it is. A sudden, intense feeling of panic or terror, dread and impending doom. They last from a few seconds, to a few minutes. People with Panic Disorder however, may experience panic attacks that last for hours, and may come in waves. Many of us have them from time to time, in fact it would be unusual not to. Along with the psychological symptoms, there are also many, often frightening, physical symptoms associated with a panic attack.
These can often include:
- Chest pain
- Difficulty breathing
- Palpitations and rapid heart beat
- Dizziness
- Flushes or chills
- Nausea and vomiting
- Uncontrollable shaking
And in extreme circumstances, panic attacks can also cause fainting, blackouts and 'burn-out'.
The good news, however, is that as terrifying as they are, panic attacks can't kill you.
People with Panic Disorder are prone to repeated panic attacks, often much more severe than people who experience them infrequently. Though there may be a trigger, such as a stressful situation or phobia, people with Panic Disorder often experience terrifying panic attacks for no apparent reason. The psychological symptoms become more pronounced, with many people feeling 'depersonalised', that they're losing control, going crazy, and often become petrified of death and/or serious illness. This often leads to depression, which exacerbates the Panic Disorder, creating a vicious cycle.
Although a panic attack can't kill you, Panic Disorder impacts very negatively on the life of the sufferer, a fact that seems to be lost on many health care professionals. The condition can ruin careers, relationships, nothing is sacred. Every day activities can become frightening, or just unfeasable. Agoraphobia is very common in people with the condition, usually developing as people avoid venturing outside to avoid the triggers that may cause panic attacks, meaning that their quality of life is greatly reduced.
Fellow sufferers often ask me what type of panic attacks I have, what triggers them, and how I cope. My panic attacks come in waves, lasting anywhere between 10 minutes and several hours. During and attack, I am totally unable to focus on anything other than the thought that I am about to die. My pulse races, anywhere between 110bpm and 160bpm, and I'm unable to settle, often feeling nauseous or vomiting. Episodes are generally triggered by traumatic experiences or illness, exhaustion and occasionally being outside, or alone. When I'm going through a severe episode of Panic Disorder, my main trigger is going to bed. This is not uncommon, with many people telling me that they experience the same fear of losing control, that falling asleep may be in some way similar to dying, or that they fear they may not wake up. The result is usually chronic insomnia, which in no way helps the condition.
Over the past ten years, I've tried many ways to cope with panic attacks and anxiety. Meditation was recommended by my GP, but I was unable to sit still for longer than a few seconds. Hypnotherapy was successful in overcoming one episode, but expensive. By far the most successful treatment so far is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (or CBT.. duh!) which attempts to change the thought processes of a sufferer. Unfortunately, in my case this has to be coupled with medications such as SSRIs, benzodiazepines and beta-blockers to do any good. Many other people have overcome Panic Disorder through medication alone, although the talking therapies, such as counselling and CBT seem to work well universally.
Through this blog, I will chart my experiences, and hopefully, my progress through this condition. If this is in some way useful to anyone, then I shall consider it a bonus.
K.
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